About us
We exist because the stories we inherit shape the lives we live.
He Is Not Your Project was founded on a simple but radical belief: that domestic violence is preventable, and that prevention begins with education.
Our story
Because love should never cost you yourself.
Somewhere along the way, many women learned the same lesson. Be patient. Give him another chance. Stand by him. Love him harder. Help him heal. Fix him. We were taught that if we cared enough, sacrificed enough, or loved enough, things would change.
But the truth is simple: he is not your project. You are not responsible for someone else's choices, behaviour, emotional growth, or respect. A healthy relationship does not depend on one person carrying the weight for two.
He Is Not Your Project was born from that truth — and from lived experience, professional practice, and a deep frustration with the gap between what we know about domestic violence prevention and what we actually do about it. For too long, our response to domestic violence has been reactive: crisis services, legal intervention, emergency housing. These are essential. But they are not prevention. Prevention requires us to go upstream — to the schools, the classrooms, the conversations that shape how young people understand relationships before harm begins.
We were founded to fill that gap. To translate decades of research into practical, accessible education. To give educators, practitioners, and communities the tools they need to build a different kind of literacy — one that names unhealthy dynamics, builds self-awareness, and creates the conditions for safe, respectful relationships. That is our story. And it is still being written.
A letter from the founder
Why I built this — and what I am committed to.
Tracy Sedman — Relationship Literacy Educator, Speaker & Author
"I didn't start this because I had all the answers. I started it because I had lived the questions — and I knew other women had too."
He Is Not Your Project was founded by Tracy Sedman — a relationship literacy educator, speaker, and author whose work is grounded in both lived experience and years of professional practice working alongside advocates, educators, and researchers in the domestic violence and prevention space.
Before founding He Is Not Your Project, I spent ten years in the classroom as a teacher. Those years gave me something that no research paper alone ever could — I saw children up close. I watched young people absorb the stories their families had handed them, often without anyone ever naming what those stories were doing. I saw the quiet ones who flinched at raised voices. I saw the ones who laughed off cruelty because they had learned that love and pain came together. I saw children who were already, at twelve or thirteen, rehearsing the relationship patterns they would carry into adulthood. Teaching taught me that the window for change is early, that young people are hungry for honest conversations about relationships, and that the absence of that education is not neutral — it causes harm. That decade in schools is part of why I believe so deeply that relationship literacy belongs in every classroom, and why I know it can work when it is taught well.
It was that classroom experience that led me into the professional prevention space. I went on to become the lead researcher, writer and educator of The Nitty Gritty — a NSW Health-funded program delivered in secondary schools and youth organisations, exploring respectful relationships, consent, and sexual health and wellbeing. From there, my work expanded into the broader domestic violence sector, working alongside advocates, educators, and researchers who were asking the same questions I had been asking since my first years in the classroom: why do we wait until harm has already happened before we start the conversation?
I want to be honest with you about something. I did not build this platform because I have all the answers. I built it because I have lived the questions — and I know other women have too. My expertise is in relationship literacy and education, not in telling you what to do. This work is about equipping you with knowledge, language, and awareness so that you can make informed choices for yourself.
I also want to be clear about what He Is Not Your Project is — and what it is becoming. This is not a static website. It is a living body of knowledge. Just as our understanding of mental health has grown and evolved over time, our understanding of healthy relationships, coercive control, emotional abuse, attachment, and prevention continues to develop. My commitment is to keep learning, keep updating, and keep sharing the best evidence-informed knowledge available — so that what you find here is always current, practical, and grounded in research rather than opinion.
We will never stop learning. As research grows, we will grow. As our understanding deepens, we will update our resources. Our commitment is not to being right forever. Our commitment is to sharing the best evidence available today — and improving as knowledge evolves.
I don't know where Relationship Literacy will be in ten years. I hope it has evolved far beyond anything I could create alone. I hope researchers have challenged it. I hope educators have strengthened it. I hope practitioners have refined it. Most of all, I hope it has helped people ask better questions about the relationships they have, the beliefs they hold, and the choices they make. Because that's how this journey began for me: with questions.
With commitment,
Tracy Sedman
Relationship Literacy Educator, Speaker & Author
Our philosophy
What we believe
He Is Not Your Project exists to challenge the beliefs that keep women and girls trapped in unhealthy relationships.
We believe education has the power to change lives. When you understand the patterns, you stop blaming yourself. When you recognise the warning signs, you trust your instincts. When you know your worth, you stop settling for less than you deserve.
Too often, women are taught that love means patience, sacrifice, forgiveness, and the ability to help someone become the person they could be. But healthy relationships are not built on potential. They are built on respect, accountability, trust, safety, and mutual effort.
Our mission is not to tell women what to do. Our mission is to give every woman and girl the knowledge, confidence, and language to recognise unhealthy patterns, protect her wellbeing, and choose relationships built on respect, trust, honesty, safety, and equality.
Knowledge is prevention. And prevention begins with education.
This is more than a website. It is a growing educational platform dedicated to helping women understand relationship dynamics before harm becomes normal. As it evolves, you will find articles, expert insights, real stories, downloadable resources, workshops, community initiatives, and practical tools designed to educate, encourage, and empower.
If even one woman leaves an unhealthy relationship sooner, recognises a red flag earlier, sets a boundary with confidence, or realises she never had to carry someone else's emotional burden — then this mission matters.
Your life is your project. Your future is your project. Your healing is your project.
He is not.
Our research approach
From Recognising Abuse to Recognising Risk
He Is Not Your Project is informed by emerging research examining the early warning signs, relationship dynamics and behavioural patterns associated with intimate partner violence.
While traditional domestic violence education often focuses on identifying established forms of abuse, HINYP seeks to explore an earlier intervention opportunity: helping young women recognise concerning relationship behaviours before significant psychological, emotional and practical investment develops.
Our research-informed approach explores not only what young women recognise in their partners, but also the beliefs that may influence how they interpret, excuse or respond to those behaviours.
The goal is not to teach young women how to change potentially abusive partners. It is to strengthen their relationship literacy, autonomy, boundary awareness and capacity to make informed decisions about their own lives.
Because prevention should begin before the harm.
Our vision
An Australia where every young person has the relationship literacy to build a safe and respectful life.
We envision a future where relationship literacy is as fundamental to education as numeracy and literacy — where every school, every classroom, and every community has the knowledge and tools to prevent domestic violence before it begins.
Our mission
To build relationship literacy across Australia through evidence-based education, professional development, and systemic advocacy.
Educate
Deliver high-quality, evidence-based relationship literacy programs to schools, students, and communities.
Build capacity
Train and support educators and practitioners to embed relationship literacy in their professional practice.
Advocate
Champion systemic change in education policy, curriculum design, and professional standards.
Research
Generate and disseminate evidence that strengthens the field of primary prevention.
Our values
What guides us
Integrity
We say what we mean and do what we say. Our work is grounded in honesty, transparency, and accountability to the communities we serve.
Evidence
We are committed to research-informed practice. We do not claim more than the evidence supports, and we update our approaches as knowledge grows.
Courage
Preventing violence requires naming uncomfortable truths about power, gender, and social norms. We do not shy away from that work.
Compassion
We hold the experiences of survivors at the centre of everything we do — with care, dignity, and deep respect for the complexity of their lives.
Collaboration
No single organisation can end domestic violence. We work in genuine partnership with schools, services, researchers, and communities.
Equity
We recognise that domestic violence intersects with race, class, disability, and other forms of marginalisation. Our work is committed to equity and inclusion.
Understand the framework behind our work.
Explore the Relationship Literacy Framework that underpins everything we do.